obamaOK folks once again we break news before anyone else – even before HotAir.com-  and we bring you a transcript of Obama’s speech complete with ad-notations. This may not be the final transcript, but we stand by its overall theme:

From the moment I took office as President, the central challenge we have confronted as a nation has been the need to lift ourselves out of the worst recession since World War II. In recent months, we have taken a series of extraordinary steps, not just to repair the immediate damage to our economy, but to build a new foundation for lasting and sustained governmental  growth.

There are those whites on the right that accuse me of wanting to institute “death panels”! I assure you that such panels will only continue to exist for unborn babies.

But even as we have made progress, we know that the road to prosperity remains long and difficult. We also know that one essential step on our journey is to control health care in America.

Today, we are spending over $2 trillion a year on health care – almost 50 percent more per person than the next most costly nation. And yet, for all this spending, more of our citizens are uninsured; the quality of our care is often lower; and we aren’t any healthier.  In fact, most  of my Czars are really a bunch of sick bastards ain’t they? Ha ha.  In fact, citizens in some countries that spend less than we do are actually living longer than we do in Chicago’s south side, Detroit, New Orleans, Newark , Baltimore… Heck, I’m glad I don’t live there anymore …

Make no mistake: market driven  health care is a threat to our administration. It is a ticking time-bomb for our plan to take control of the most crucial industry  in the United States of America.

Tell the Republican party poopers to allow the elderly to get lit up once in a while ( shout over crowd cheers). Hey, Republicans, the elderly want to get baked once in a while, too! Let grandma get lit up!

Our costly health care system is unsustainable for doctors like Michael Kahn in New Hampshire, who, as he puts it, spends 20 percent of each day supervising a staff explaining insurance problems to patients, completing authorization forms, and writing appeal letters; a routine that he calls disruptive and distracting, giving him less time to do what he became a doctor to do and actually care for his patients.

Under our system we will have trained government cadre working to supervise doctors, to approve procedures, cut costs and help fill out proper paperwork.

We’ll help big business to get smaller ..ahh damn it, I mean to get insurance.

Small business owners like Chris and Becky Link in Nashville are also struggling. They’ve always wanted to do right by the workers at their family-run marketing firm, but have recently had to lay off a number of employees – layoffs that could have been deferred, if health care costs weren’t so high. Under our system, small business owners across the country will  have access to our health care system providing that they take certain small steps to insure our success. A few such steps are the hiring of minorities, unionizing their businesses, and donating a proper amount to approved community organizing associations.

Our largest companies will be suffering as well, ahh I mean are suffering  ha ha , the prompter is fast again, scroll ahead…there!.  A big part of what led General Motors and Chrysler into trouble in recent decades were the huge costs they racked up providing health care for their workers; costs that made them less profitable, and less competitive with automakers around the world.We’ve put an end to all that for good.  We will do for corporate America what we’ve done for GM and Chrysler!

To say it as plainly as I can, health care reform is the single most important thing we can do to destroy America’s long-term fiscal health!

No Death Panels..per say

There are those whites on the right that accuse me of wanting to institute “death panels”! I assure you that such panels will only continue to exist for unborn babies.

The elderly will be given a full  gamut of pills to make them feel better! I am not sure what the furor over that was all about? I like pills! I liked them when I was young, though not as much as I liked weed and blow, and I like them now.  You know it’s hard to sneak a fatty past the Secret Service and doing rails in the Oval Office is really not all that practical either because you gotta share and ahh , well it’s a mess… I don’t know how Bill did that whole cigar thing. Ha ha (pause for crowd laughter and raise chin for “hero shot”).

So (pause for crowd approval to die down) So yeah give grandma a pill or two or three  and get her all lit u ! Tell the Republican party poopers  to allow the elderly to get lit up once in a while ( shout over crowd cheers).  Hey, Republicans, the elderly want to get baked once in a while, too!  Let grandma get lit up!

I need your help! I need you to get fired up!  I need you to get lit up and fired up! (Liberal crowd chanting “we’re lit up and fired up!”  Obama again raises chin approvingly for another hero shot.)

Crowd chants  – We’re  Lit up! We’re Fired up! We’re Lit Up! Fired Up!

Obama- I need you to get Grandma lit up!

Crowd building up to a crescendo  – Light Grandma up! Light grandma up!

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